six months post OP ADA

​Today (Nov 12 2023), I am SIX months post-op from ADA.
Before I share a perspective I learned and a little bit of thought, I just wanted to say, the last six months have been nothing short of challenging, in fact as I stay in tonight to heat my ankle as it’s in pain, I feel even more grateful for everyone who has stood by my side for the last six months, but especially my family. Everyday for the last six months I have faced a challenge of some sort, and as rewarding as it is hitting todays mark, I can’t help but feel so blessed for those who I have surrounded myself with and the biggest thank you to my parents, who have shown nothing but endless support for not only these last six months but almost the last two years. This has been one hell of a journey, and it feels great to say I have successfully made it to my first milestone!

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Six months ago today, I sat in the pre-op room praying to God that I wouldn’t lose my foot, and that what I was about to do was going to save me.

As I was being wheeled back to the operative room, i remember this trenching feeling in my gut as if this could possibly be my last hope. The feeling of the unknown that was about to be on the other side, ripped apart in my stomach, and then within 10 seconds it all went black.

Waking up in the operative room, I remember feeling extremely hungry, but couldn’t manage to keep my eyes open. I remember faintly, my parents leaving the hospital that night, and then I finally came out of the fog and it hit me, that I had a metal cage on my leg and it wasn’t going anywhere for a few months.

Something about that moment was so terrifying. I was in a dark hospital room, confused as all hell, and my foot felt like someone had just sawed it in half. With tears rolling down my face the nurses came in and helped me out, but then I remember being told that my surgery went longer than expected. The surgery I had was supposed to take three hours, but my tibial nerve (the nerve controlling sensation in my foot) was more damaged than expected and so my surgery lasted eight hours instead of three.

But I still had my foot, and that was all that mattered.

When I was finally discharged from the hospital, I had posted a TikTok, jokingly about being in the hospital, and it started to catch some attention…. Not thinking much of it I posted a bit more but didn’t think it would be anything but fun.
About a week or two went by when I finally started to lose it. I was starting to get pissed because the efix would stick to my blanket, it kept bumping into everything, and it was so painful. The worst part was, is I was so tired, I couldn’t stay awake during the days but at night I would lay wide away sitting there filling my stomach with anxious thoughts…. “Was this going to be my new normal?” “How did this happen to me?” “Why me?”

Eventually through all the negativity I was putting into my head, I became angry, and depressed. The only thought I had was “f this, I can’t do it” and it ate me alive filling my stomach with nothing but pain, pity, and worry for my future self. Until one day I couldn’t take it anymore, crying from the depression I was facing I had had enough. Everyday since this surgery I had to pass the gym in the apartment hallway, just a constant reminder of what I couldn’t do, and what I wasn’t capable of…. Until this one day when I lost myself in a trail of negativity and with one last push was able to change my mindset.

“Screw this” right to the gym I went. I’ll never forget my “pre workout song” — “Don’t Blame Me” by Taylor Swift…. Whatever it was about that song made me feel so many emotions I was able to slowly release the negativity I was holding inside out into the gym, into something positive!!! and sure enough slowly, I started to feel better. I was up earlier, I felt more productive despite being on bed rest, and I was sleeping better which was allowing my body to feel better which resulted in less pain!!!

The more and more I started to put into myself the more and more reward I felt. As I began shifting my perspective and mindset from
“this sucks” to “this is temporary”….
“I hate my life” to “the challenges don’t last forever” …..
“I can’t” to “I can” ……

I saw the world in a completely different way, and as I continued on with my journey…. So many people started catching onto it as well, through social media.
In that moment, I felt purpose again. For the first time in over a year and a half, I felt like I had found a purpose.

Something challenging for me to admit, is after I I initially got into my accident, I lost a part of myself. Something about myself never felt the same, and it was toxic. I was fueling my body with junk, mentally and physically…. Everything going in wasn’t projecting “the best Sarah I could be”, and in that moment when I felt purpose again…. That moment was the moment I knew my journey was about to become so much better.

Through the ups and downs of finally discovering myself, I managed to create a community out of something that I once was so afraid to face.

For so long I felt as if I was the only one struggling, the only one going to bed every night praying for it to end, and the only one who had to go through it alone. But it turned out, I wasn’t the only one struggling….. there was an entire community out there feeling the exact same thing. And reflecting on my journey, I can say I am proud of a lot of things…. And I didn’t start seeing that until recently…. But I am damn proud of the community I created, because once upon a time I was sitting in my room ready to give up, and I know that what I did for this community saved that girl I once was from wanting to give up.
Being proud of myself isn’t something I admit often. I think it’s because I am so hard on myself, it’s something I’ve been working to address and something I have been working to accept and say more of, because the truth is, self talk matters!! Creating a mindset that sets you up for success and not failure is important!! And loving yourself first is the best thing you will ever do for yourself!!

​So happy six months to the most challenging thing I’ve ever faced, but the most rewarding thing I have ever felt!! Proud to be an ADA Warrior and to have created Road To Recovery

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